Tantek twittered this link about relationship fair fighting. It is an interesting idea. I have heard the idea before that some people need to fight to keep a relationship healthy. It is one of those things that works because relationships bring people so close, they need fight to resolve conflicts in a healthy manor. The rules here are pretty good. I wonder if this would also work for close friendships and close business relationships.
I always remind myself that the world is usually not how I view it. I know that it is hard to get far enough away from the world to see it all. This is something I learned a long time ago. My example of this living in the San Francisco Bay Area is easy. Between my friends and what I see at coffee shops, I would think that Apple has 50% of the laptop market. I know that is not true.
That leads me to the Washing Post article, Why Everyone You Know Thinks the Same as You. I have here this referred to as circles of association in the past. The idea is that you can never know the size of a minority population from inside a population because you are either over exposed or under exposed.
I can understand how this is worse in on-line communities. They are very self selected. You can self select to a very specific level. This has been one of the very liberating to meet people like you. Before the internet people often felt that they were the only person that felt a certain way.
The problem is that it can cut you off from people who are different than you. In a real community you have to deal with people have different views, experiences, and agendas that you. The more you cut yourself off the harder it is to get along with people. People end up connecting only with their self selected community and not their real world community.
When it comes to political thought I am not surrounded people who think like me. I know lots of people who have different ideas than I do. I know that keeps me quite some of the time and other times I am holding my opinions close, only speaking up when I know I have good ground to defend myself. I know that some of my friends do the same thing.
I would say that my friends have a few baseline ideas that connect us. I think we all agree freedom of speech is important. We believe in pluralism. I think we want to stay away from people who want to force ideas on us. I know this means that I am not associating with the whole range of American society.
In the end I think all you can do it remind yourself that you cannot generalize for how everyone feels. You will never know enough people where you can know this.
Dead Bachelors in Remote China Still Find Wives - New York Times
I saw this article. All I can think is that you mush really care for someone todo this. Or you think people in the after life can affect your life here and now.
To ensure a son's contentment in the afterlife, some grieving parents will search for a dead woman to be his bride and, once a corpse is obtained, bury the pair together as a married couple"
I was having a conversation with my friend Tara. I told her that I am thinking about what my life is about. I am not rushing out to find another girlfriend. I am feel that I have to think about what I want my life to be about. She asked me why does my life need to be about anything. Why can't I just live everyday like it will be last and enjoy it for what it is? I told her that I still think that is my life being about something.
When I am talking about life being about something, I am not talking about figuring out what the total of my life. I am talking about my life is about right at this moment. I know that changes from time to time. My life is not about the same thing now that it was 10 years ago. That can only be expected.
I think that everyone's life is about something. If you do not plan your life to be about something that might be what it becomes about. I worry my life will become about the wrong things if I let it happen on its own. I know that it is good to be engaged in life.
I know that the meaning of my life can change at any moment. Most of the things that can change it are out of my control. I just want to understand my life a little more before I get into a relationship. I need a better understanding of the things I can control.
I was talking to my sister Ruth, mother of two, about relationships. She was on vacation when my ex-girl friend broke up with me. She wrote me a letter from the road. She found the letter going through her souvenirs. That prompted her to call me. We talked for about an hour and most of it was about relationships.
We talked about her friends and what she has seen in the world. I told her that I know nothing about meeting women. Her friend Joe kept on coming up in conversation. He is well known for always having women hanging off his arm. He says his secret is to never stop trying. He has failed many more times than he has succeed.
At this point she say that I have to be ready for meeting women to be the hardest thing I have ever done. At this point she says, "I think meeting the right person is harder than child birth." I was surprised to hear her say this. I thought women with children never said that something is hard then child birth.
To be honest I am not expecting meeting a woman to be hard like that. She might be right, but I have never thought about it like that before.
It is official, June is 'Change your relationship to Rich Thomas Month.' It is not just the break up, but there are a few more things that I cannot write about here. There is just a lot of change going on. I guess there is always change it is just more pronounced at sometimes.
I know the month is almost over, but this is the time for change. I have decided to open it up for the rest of the month. If you too want to change your relationship with me now is the time. I will ask no questions and put up no fight. If you want to change your relationship with me, just tell me and I will be on board. If you want to go from a well wisher to a chum, now if your change. If you want to go from being a casual acquaintance to a hated arch rival, just let me know. I you want upgrade part-time friend to inter-circle tell me and I will find more time in my calendar for you. If you never want to see me again, I would be okay with that.
In case you have not heard, Dreamgirl and I are broken up. It happened for a lot of reasons and I will not go into them here. In the end the physical distance between us put other things between us. There were lots of things that just did not work in the end. Some times age and distance are too much of a barrier.
I am not angry with her. Dreamgirl did what was right for her. I have no problems with that. I am sad. It is going to take me a while to get over her. I had never felt for a women like that before. She is something special and it will take a while to get use to the fact that she is no longer in my life.
I know there are things I could have done to avoid this. I kept on putting things off thinking I could take care of them later. We all do think in relationships, put things off thinking you have all the time in the world. I will have to remember for next time to not put those things off.
Our one year anniversary would have been on this Sunday. I enjoyed the year we had together. After I get over Dreamgirl I think I will be able to look back at this year and smile. It was a good experience for me. I know more about myself now. I do not see that year as a waste.
I wish Dreamgirl all the best. I want her life to the best it can be. I still care for her and I want her to find what will make her happy.
Who knows what tomorrow holds for me. This is just another reminder to live in the present.
I have been thinking about place a lot lately. On Saturday one of my sisters asked if I was ever planning to move back to the area. The first thing out of my Mother's mouth was "he does not want to live here." Up to this point of the day I had been talking to my mother about my life and my friends in San Jose. This must have been the impression she got from me. The conversation changed to another topic quickly, but that comment stuck in my head.
Last night a friend asked me if I would move back. I know she wants me to move back. She said that when she got back to Philly, she missed some of her old friends. She keeps on telling me that she would love to see me move back to Philadelphia. I told here there are three things she could do to get me to move back to Philadelphia.
1. Find me a job that I cannot refuse. 2. Set me up a woman for me to fall in love with. 3. Give me the winning lottery numbers.
There is a very high standard for number one. I really like my company. I worry that I would not be able to find a job I like in Philadelphia. I know that I never had a job as good as my job now when I lived back here. That was more then six years ago.
I think that number 3 might be easier then number 2. My friend did not say that she would be up to any of the three. I am not holding my breath.
I know I have lots of friends who have plans to escape Silicon Valley. They talk that they want to live someplace else. There are things about Silicon Valley, like the housing market, that drive my friends crazy. I have said for a long time that once my friends start leaving San Jose I might have to think about my plans.
Right now I do not know what I feel about here v. there. There is something I just love about Philadelphia. My family is here, I still have friends here, and the area is special to me. The problem is that the area might be special because I do not live here all the time.
On the other hand I like the life I have build for myself in San Jose. I work for a company I love. I have a nice circle of friends. I have met lots of new people out there. It might not be perfect, but it is something I build. That means something to me.
I am not sure how these ideas change with my father being sick. I do not know how things change going forward with his recovery. I am not sure if the draw of my family will grow because of that. I guess I will find out as time passes.
Tara and I broke up yesterday. There are a lot of little reasons revolving around a big reason. We were moving at different speeds. She had good ideas what she wanted out of life. My ideas where much less clear.
I had the feeling for a few days that this might happen. I had the feeling that this was already on Tara's mind. When I said something, I could tell it was already on her mind. For a few days before I left I could tell that there were misfires between us. The little things that were not happening did not seem to be getting better. Most of those issues were mine failings.
I decided what I was visiting my family that breaking up was the right move. I feel like we did the right thing. We got along with each other really well, but that is not enough.
This has been a good experience. I had a good time dating Tara. I learned things about myself and what I want. Tara asked if she would get a good reference from me. I told her that I would give her a great one.
I am sorry for any level of heartbreak or pain I brought Tara. She is one of the best people I have met in a long time. I know that I can be careless with people's feelings. Especially with the feelings of people who are closest to me.
If there is one thing I am not good at it is flirting. I seem to be only able to flirt effectively with married woman. I guess they know that I will not get anywhere. I am not sure these tips on flirting are going to get me anywhere. Maybe I need to practice a big more. It anyone up for a little flirting training camp? I did not think so.
I like the idea of reading other people's bad personal ads. This one is my favorite.
I've got issues; you've got the cure. I need lots of time on the couch; you need a sympathetic ear and board certification. Must not charge by the hour.
If this was a woman, I would thinking about answering.
I want to be honest with myself and I want write my feelings about what happened. These two ideas seem to be very hard. I do not want to reveal too much. While she did not ask for my web site address, I never know if she is going to read it or not. I want to limit the number of places I put my foot in my mouth.
What I do not know is if I am in it or not. I had a great time, but I do not know if this will actually lead to dating or if it was a just friends thing. I can say that at least I am not out of it yet. I still have hope that there is a chance for a relationship there. That is the important thing.
I did have a really good time. I think there is a good level of connection there. I think I found out at least some things that I would not be able to learn in the work environment. I will have to figure out where it will lead from here. I am still not really clear. That is part of the challenge.
I am looking for advice from my friends. My friends know me pretty well. I think they might know how I might screw up going out for drinks with a woman. Someone told me "just be your charming self." My problem is that when I am nervous, my charming self can turn into my annoying self. You guys know me, what traps should I avoid? What conversations should I stay away from? What should I keep an eye on?
There is a woman at work who I have had a little bit of a crush on for months. I kept on telling myself that I should make some kind of move. After months of tripping over my tongue and not taking advantage of chances, I finally asked her to go out for drinks with me after work sometime. She said yes without any hesitation.
I pushed right then to set a date. In the past I had made the mistake of asking someone out and never following up on it. If I was going to make mistakes, I am going to make new ones. The mistake I made was agreeing to go out for drinks after work this Friday. I did not realize at the time that we have off this Friday. So today we reset the date to be the following Friday.
It is kind of odd, but I am get a little scared with things do not click like this. I am always worried it is a bad sign. In the past I thought I missed out on relationships because we just stumbled through the beginning.
I should not be so down. We have a date set and that is cool. Who knows what will happen. I am just happy that I worked up the courage to do something. I have wasted too much time trying not to fail already.
I realized something this week. I think I understand how my life would be different if I lived in the same city as Cathy. I think if I lived in the same city as Cathy I would know a lot more people. I would have a wider circle of friends. She would meet people and I would meet them because I am her friend. I feel really good about that idea. It gives me more of a reason to live in the same city as Cathy sometime soon.
I went to see Minority Report last night with a friend. I went with a woman I work with. She is someone that I have been friendly with for a while. I really wanted to see this movie, but I knew that I would not go see it by myself. I had to see it before anyone ruined it for me. I had to stop several people from talking about it at lunch. I loved the movie. It reminded me of the best of 70s Sci-fi. The images were not caught under the weight of Blade Runner or Road Warrior.
I asked a woman to go with me and she said yes. I decided to treat it just like any of my other friends. I will admit that I do not have very many female friends in San Jose. It is easier to treat guys like friends. With a guy there is no subtext that I am missing. There are no signal that I am misunderstanding. With a guy I am not wondering if I missed anything. I am not worried about my lack of relationships over the last several years. All of these things come into play with women.
I like this women, but she seems very blank or very distant. I am not always sure which one it is. She is friendly, but I can never read anything off her. I decided to just treat her like any of the guys I would see a movie with. I know this is always an odd idea to try. It has lead me to both good and bad places in the past. I would love to be honest with this woman, but I have a hard time being honest with women. It has do with the language of women and men.
I was cleaning out an old e-mail inbox. I came across a message that was sent to me a few months ago. It was a message that I had thought about a lot. The woman knew I had a crush on her. She pushed me off indirectly a couple of times and directly once. I was fine with that. I still extended my friendship to her. This was a message she sent to me before she want to vacation.
Btw one more thing. I am sorry that I haven't been as nice to you as I should be. I get really nervous when guys are interested in me and I just want to be friends. I tend to avoid them, because I don't want to lead them on. Clearly their has to be a better course of action, and when get back I am game to try and spend some time figuring that out. ;)
There is something I love about this message. Most of the time people would not admit something like this. This is part of the unspoken language of women and men. It is expected that some one has pushed back on you. This means they want you to back off. Many times you can back off, but still stay friends with the person. This is what I was trying. I have never had a woman say this to me before. I wonder if there was any way this could have turned out better.
I want to start a Travelogue on Sad Salvation. It is the start of the year and I want to travel a couple of times this year. I have not settled on all of my plans yet. There are more then a few things bumping around my head. Steve is getting married this fall. That is time I am going to spend in San Diego. My cousin is getting married in June in Knoxville. Jen is getting married this summer. That would be a trip to Pittsburgh in July. I was talking with Cathy about taking a trip with her. There is part of me that wants to drive cross country this summer.
I am not sure where I want to go. Most likely I will have to do a good deal of this travel alone. Being the Uber-single man I do not expect to have a traveling companion by the time I hit the road. I am not sure how much I want to travel alone. I have a lot of vacation time saved up and I have to use it some time. When I lived with my parents I loved to travel alone. It was my chance to be on my own. Now I am on my own all the time. I do not need to be on my own more often. Most of my life is about the time I spend by myself.
The problem with traveling on my own is very often I do not do as many activities as I would do if I was with another person. I do not take the time to look at the world around me. I just rush through everything. It also seems less important because I am not sharing it with any one. It feels less important because I am doing it all on my own. It is hard to explain, but things do feel more valid when they are shared with another person.
No matter what I will travel somewhere this year. I will start up the car and head away from San Jose. I just do not know the extent yet. I am not sure if it will only be for a few small trips or if it will be a big cross-country ride. That is what I need to decide for myself. There will be a need for a travelogue this year. That travelogue will be part of Sad Salvation.
I was walking across the street to the supermarket when I saw a couple sitting in a car. I could tell they were in the middle of the break up conversation. They both had that tired look on their face. The look of not knowing what to say, but knowing there are things that are going unsaid. As I passed the car, I slowed down just a bit. I was trying to tell who was breaking up with whom. I could not tell from my outsiders P.O.V.
After I was finished shopping, the couple was still in the car. They both looked tired and worn down. I guess everyone looks that way when they are breaking up. It makes me think of the last relationship I had that ended with that kind of break. It New Year's Day 1990. It seems like such a long time ago. I am not sure I can remember all those feelings. I could see that the people in the car were having their hearts sink. After 1990 all of my relationship ended in non-conclusive ways.
I have been thinking a lot about a conversation I had with a woman while I was in Philadelphia. The conversation was complex and had its roots in ideas that have been kicking around for a long time. I want to try to write something that will explain as much as I can. I think it is important for me to do this. It will help me in the long run.
There is a woman who I am very close with. Anyone knows me would know who she is, but I will leave her name off this entry for search engine reasons. I have known this woman for a long time. I will refer to her as the Unnamed Woman. She is one of my closest friends. There has always been a special connection between us, but never anything romantic. Shortly after I met her, I developed a crush on her. She was always dating someone, so I never got a chance to express that crush. By the time I said anything she was falling into a serous relationship.
The Unnamed Woman’s relationship lasted several years. By the time that relationship ended we lived a couple hundred miles away from each other. We were still close, but never in the same city. She had a couple more relationships after that, but they all seemed to fall apart because of something. By the time she had moved back to Philadelphia, I had already made my escape to the West Coast.
I had not thought much about the Unnamed Woman romantically for a while. She had visited me with her boyfriend in 2000. The guy seemed nice so was easy for me to shelf any feelings I might have had for her. Shortly after their visit to San Jose she broke up with her boyfriend.
In November of 2000 I was sitting in a bar in Indianapolis. I was on a business trip with a co-worker who was not happy about her job. We passed the time be talking about a lot of different things. We talked a lot about relationships. There were a number of women in the office that I was interested in. We talked about whom I found attractive. I had the feeling I had no shot with these women.
I said that I have always had the feeling that if a woman had the chance to see the true me and really connect with me, my weight would not be an issue. A woman who knew my heart would be able to see how much love I have to give.
The moment these words came out of my mouth, I knew it was a lie. The Unnamed Woman knew me as well as about anyone. She knew what was in my heard. She had seen me at my best. I thought that it was still my weight that kept us from having a relationship.
At that very moment I was angry. It was a deep and encompassing anger. I was angry with the Unnamed Woman and with myself. I was angry with her because of all the horrible men she had dated. I would keep on hearing about these men. It was almost like she was in a pattern of self-destruction. I was always there but she would rather destroy herself.
I was also angry with myself. I had let myself believe a lie. I had hoped to find a woman that could look past my body. I was hoping to find this even though I not found one for a long time. Even the woman who knows me the best could not do this. How could I hope that any other woman would be able to do this?
I carried this around with me. I saw the Unnamed Woman a few weeks later, but I did not say anything to her. I did not think it would be fair to her. I felt like I would be ambushing her. It was not clear in my head how I felt about all these things. I wanted a better idea before I said anything to her.
It is hard to talk about these things when you live in a different city then the woman. I did not want to do it in a letter. I wanted some idea of her direct reaction to my ideas. The phone is not the right place to tell her. I want her to be able to look into my eyes as I tell her. It is hard to tell them when you are on a visit. You have the chance to ruin the whole visit. It is really hard when your visits are only near holidays. You could be the person that ruins the holiday.
I did not say anything and I carried it with me. It kept on bumping around in the back of my head. I talked to some of my friends about this. I had decided that I really did not want to tell her over the phone. I figured I had to tell her sometime. If I did not I would be lying to her. It is never good to lie to your close friends.
One of my friends asked me to figure out what I am trying to achieve by telling the Unnamed Woman what I felt. He wanted me to make sure I was not doing it to just lash out at her. It took me a long time to figure this out. I am not sure I figured it out, but I knew I was not doing it out of anger.
I had decided that I was not going to do it on the phone, unless I had to. When I say I have to, I mean that if I did not tell her I would be lying to her. From time to time she will ask me what I am thinking or how I am feeling. I wanted to tell her the truth instead of making something up.
It was near the end of the summer by this time. The Unnamed Woman had a few bad relationships during the year. It hurt me to see her do self-destructive things. It hurt me to see her freak out over guys. Whenever she would tell me something like that I want to tell her to just relax.
I was not feeling all that good at about this time. I was feeling isolated and alone. I felt like San Jose was a bit of a trap. All of my friends out here were busy with other things. I felt like there was no one for me to hang out with. I was calling Unnamed Woman just about every week. We would talk on the phone for a few hours. It felt good to talk to her. She was someone who was always happy to hear from me.
One week she asked me if there was anything wrong. She pointed out that I had been calling every week. In the past we had not talked that much. I talked to her about different things that where bothering me. I forget what she said, but she probed a little deeper. At this point I told her what was on my mind. I remember that she was a little shocked when I told her.
That night we talked a lot. I have to admit that I don’t remember everything that was said. I did not remember everything ten minutes after the call was over. The gist of the call was that I told the Unnamed Woman that I have some level of feelings for her, but I was confused. It hurt to see all the heart ache she caused herself. I felt that I had to tell her is because it was something I was carrying around with me.
The Unnamed Woman told me that she had thought about these things before I said anything. She said that on one hand she would not have to put up with all the dating crap if she was with me, but on the other hand maybe it would be a little too safe. Maybe she would be doing just to avoid the hard parts of dating.
For the most part, after that call we did not talk about it again. It was decided that we both needed to think about it for a little while. We both avoided the subject. I had decided that I was not going to bring it up until I saw her face to face. I thought that would be the best way to handle it.
There was a point at the end of October when I thought I might get laid off. I talked to the unnamed woman about my options. She told me that she did not think it would be good for me to move further away from home. The Unnamed Woman said I should think about moving closer to my family and her. I wondered if she was trying to tell me anything. Was I reading too much into this or was she sending me messages.
I hung out with the Unnamed Woman over Christmas. These ideas where really burning in my head. I had to talk to her about them. I was thinking about them so much that I felt like I was keeping another secret from her.
We hung out on Saturday afternoon. My plan was to talk to her about these things at about 4 PM. I could not say anything until 5 PM because I had to work up the courage to say anything. I knew she was not going to laugh in my face, but there was a big part of me that did not want to ask because I thought the results might be harsh.
A friend told me to make sure I know what my objectives are before I say anything. He told me if I go in just saying it to say it or if I do not know why I am saying it, I have a good chance of coming off as a prick. That was not my objective at all. I had thought long and hard about why I was saying it and what I was trying to achieve.
I had three questions for the Unnamed Woman.
What could I expect if I moved back to Philadelphia?
Could she ever see herself dating me?
What was in her mind about all this?
We talked for about an hour. I will tell you now that I do not remember everything that was said. The conversation was about her feeling and my feeling on the topic. While I do not remember every word that was said, I have a pretty good feeling that I understand what we both communicated.
The Unnamed Woman seemed to be a little worried about the whole thing. She had the basic feeling that a relationship between the two of us would be unhealthy. She is worried that we only think about this when there is no one else in our lives. She was worried that we were just safety blankets for each other. If I moved Back to Philadelphia I would use her so I did not need to meet other people.
She was also worried that she would be my first serous relationship. I have not had any kind of real romantic relationship since college. She does not think she is the right person to have a first serous relationship with. She said that it would be a huge responsibility. Somewhere in my head I was feeling that it would be unfair to her because she would be my first serous relationship.
The Unnamed Woman was also worried what the relationship would be like. She would feel bad if there were no spark there. She had a big question of passion. I told her that thought my whole life I feel that I have to keep my passion under control. I have never been in a position where I could let my passion free. I know that I have always had to control it in terms of her.
I told the Unnamed Woman that I am just as confused as she is. I know that I connect with her really well. I know that I think about her all the time. I know that the day that I felt the world might have ended, she was the first person I thought about. I wondered if she was okay and if I would ever see her again.
There is part of me that says that all of her resistance to this is a good thing. I admit that I might be doing this because I am lonely and I know few females in San Jose. I might be doing this because every other female I know has pushed me to a distance. If any of these things were my true motivation, my relationship with the Unnamed Woman would be a disaster.
She had answered my three questions.
What could I expect if I moved back to Philadelphia? Expect nothing
Could she ever see herself dating me? Probably not
What was in her mind about all this?
A mind full of worry Bonus Answer: Don’t look for deeper meaning in what she says.
What do I do now? That is my currently question. I have to do more then just move on from this idea. I feel that I need to empty my heart the same way a Buddhist empties himself of desire. If I empty my heard I will be able to see the world more clearly. Once I do that I can understand everything around me better.
My friend Aaron sent me an e-mail message. I felt that I had to post part of the message here. It says something that I have been trying to get out. I wish that I could have said some of these things. I really understand the underlying idea that Aaron is writing about. I hope you enjoy his message:
I have some senseless banter of my own. I have come to the realization that I'm almost 30 and I still don't know dick about anything important. I generally know some mindless information about sports, but not enough to get into a history of sports conversation. I know some things about computers, but not enough to enable me to pass my stupid A+ OS test. I know some things about women, but not enough to be able to avoid draining relationships with nice girls that are the wrong fit for me. The sad thing is, I don't even have a strong grasp on what I like or dislike, I just find out at the last moment when things in life reach critical mass, "hey, I hate this...what the hell am I doing this for?" At that point, it's usually too late to get out of something without looking like a complete ass anyway.
I know enough about people to manipulate them if I feel that they are of weaker character than I am. I am not of strong enough character to avoid or repress the people out there who build their lives out of manipulating people. I'm not even a good liar. You once told me that I am an angry young man, but I'm not in an important enough position in life that anybody would really care. Like, "why is HE angry, Oh well, who cares. He's not important anyway" I thought that observation was funny.
I finally got to meet Kat tonight. I "met" here for a few minutes on Friday, but it was only for a few minutes. Last night Jeremy, Kat, and I had dinner together. I have know about Kat for a long time, but I have never met her before. She has been dating Jeremy for more then two years now.
Kat had been described to me as a Communist. She is a part-time union organizer. She described herself as left-of-liberal. I am on the other hand of the political spectrum. I am not a total right wing nut, but I am a card carrying republican. I voted for George Bush, Bob Dole and George W. Bush. I can say that we have different points of view on the world.
Kat looked just as I expected her to look. She has long dark hair, glasses and a sly smile. Jeremy had described her to me and she looked that way. I was surprised that she was so close to my mental image. People are never that close to your mental image of them.
The odd part was that she did not act anything like the way I expected her to act. I was expecting her to be more mysterious. My mental image was someone that was a few mental steps in front of everyone else in the room. I expected someone that was cynical and hard to the world. I guess I expecting a old goth girl that how grown up.
Kat is a much more cheery person then I expected. She seemed to be the kind of person who almost bubbling over most of the time. It is hard for me to describe her without it sounding like I am making fun of her. I am not trying to make fun of her. She seemed like the kind of woman still likes stuffed animals.
I think I understand what Jeremy sees in her. She does not seem like an easy woman to understand. Jeremy said that he has had two types of girl friends in his life, the Smiths fan and the stuffed animal fan. He thinks that Kat is in both groups. I can see why Jeremy likes this.
I am currently in Chicago staying with Jeremy. I have been here for the last two days. One of the things that we have been talking about is relationships. It is a subject that both Jeremy and I like to talk about. I gave him my mundane tale of my love live a year to date. It was not a very exciting story.
I have also been reading the End of Summer Party web log. The people on the End of Summer Web log and my romantic life have been bumping around in my head. That is a pretty bad combination. They jogged a couple of ideas loose in my head.
I was thinking about the New Years Eve party where Chris kissed me. I really liked that kiss. She kissed me a couple of times when we were in college. She was a very good kisser.
This made me think about the last time I kissed a woman. I have lived on the west coast for three years now. In that time I know that I have not kissed any women. I have only had one date in all of that time. That date ended up going nowhere.
I have to think to beyond those three years. I cannot remember the date of the last time I kissed a woman. I know it had to be before March of 1998. In March of 1998 I knew that I was going to move that year. I knew that I did not want to add any attachments to my life.
I think the last time I kissed a woman was the summer of 1997. I had a face to face meeting with a woman I met on the internet. We had dinner at the King of Prussia Mall in suburban Philadelphia. After dinner I walked her to her car. She kissed me. I felt as if I did a bad job kissing her. I was very nervous about meeting her. I must have been right. She never called me again.
