Welcome to Sad Salvation. Day by day by day by day ... this is my attempt to make sense of the world.

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Thursday, June 27, 2002

Friends with Cathy

I realized something this week. I think I understand how my life would be different if I lived in the same city as Cathy. I think if I lived in the same city as Cathy I would know a lot more people. I would have a wider circle of friends. She would meet people and I would meet them because I am her friend. I feel really good about that idea. It gives me more of a reason to live in the same city as Cathy sometime soon.

Labels: Cathy Heard, friend, relationship, self

- Rich, 1:38 PM |

Sunday, June 23, 2002

Saturday Party

Yesterday Eric had a first birthday party for his son Nick. I was happy to be invited to the event. I was more then happy to go after the good time I had I my birthday party. If Eric is going to host a party, I am going to go. I am always looking for a good reason to get out of my apartment.

I stayed at Eric's place until midnight last night. I am usually in the group of people that need to get kicked out at the end of the night. A lot of Eric's friends are also like that. They are the kind of people that want to hand out until all the food and beer is gone. Usually that means the next morning.

I like Eric's friends, but they are intimidating. They seem to be so close to each other. They seem to have so much history with each other. It is like they have known each other forever. They are very nice and very open, but I feel there is a real core that I will never have a chance to poke though. I wish I had a group of friends around here like that. I would like to hang out with them more often, but I am not sure how to do that without forcing myself on them. It is the feeling that I always get when it comes to friends.

Labels: Eric Laine, friend, party, self

- Rich, 12:05 AM |

Friday, December 21, 2001

Feeling like a creep

It was pointed out to me tonight that I might have hurt someone's feelings. I know that the person how pointed it out might be right. I feel bad now. I feel like I need to fix it. The question is will I get the chance. The worst thing is that I might not get the chance to make it right.

Labels: friend, self, vague

- Rich, 9:53 PM |

Thursday, December 20, 2001

Lunch with Stephen

I had lunch with my friend Stephen today. I have worked with Stephen for 27 months and we have never had lunch together before. For a long time I would tease Stephen how busy he is at work. He is the kind of person you find sitting on the floor typing around on his laptop. I have always respected how much he does and how well he does it. Those two years do not sound like a long time, but they seem like forever in Silicon Valley time.

I have know Stephen the whole time I have worked at TiVo. He has always been someone I have liked, but we have never been closer the meeting friends. (Rich Thomas work dictionary, Meeting Friends: People who you make jokes with before or after meetings. They are higher then 'hi, who are you friends' but not as high as 'cubical friends') We had lunch because Stephen made my old web log a few weeks ago. Stephen suggested that we have lunch.

I learned some things about Stephen. I learned that he is an frustrated writer much like I am. He is an old comic book fan like myself. He faces the same kind of issues in his life being taken over by work. We talked about all these things. I got a kick out of the my big lie idea. I am going to have to start writing a novel next year. He told me he needs to publish a novel before he turns 40.

It was a great lunch. We had the right combination of talking about personal stuff, work past, and work future. He gave me some good insights. I feel that I can trust him from a work level. He has nothing to gain by misleading me. There are a lot of things I know now that make me feel a little bit better.

I have to keep on having these lunches with Stephen. I think it is a friendship that has a lot of potential. It is good to know the way other people view the world I live in everyday.

Labels: friend, Stephen Mack, TiVo, work

- Rich, 12:27 AM |

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

Messages from friends

My friend Aaron sent me an e-mail message. I felt that I had to post part of the message here. It says something that I have been trying to get out. I wish that I could have said some of these things. I really understand the underlying idea that Aaron is writing about. I hope you enjoy his message:

I have some senseless banter of my own. I have come to the realization that I'm almost 30 and I still don't know dick about anything important. I generally know some mindless information about sports, but not enough to get into a history of sports conversation. I know some things about computers, but not enough to enable me to pass my stupid A+ OS test. I know some things about women, but not enough to be able to avoid draining relationships with nice girls that are the wrong fit for me. The sad thing is, I don't even have a strong grasp on what I like or dislike, I just find out at the last moment when things in life reach critical mass, "hey, I hate this...what the hell am I doing this for?" At that point, it's usually too late to get out of something without looking like a complete ass anyway.

I know enough about people to manipulate them if I feel that they are of weaker character than I am. I am not of strong enough character to avoid or repress the people out there who build their lives out of manipulating people. I'm not even a good liar. You once told me that I am an angry young man, but I'm not in an important enough position in life that anybody would really care. Like, "why is HE angry, Oh well, who cares. He's not important anyway" I thought that observation was funny.

Labels: Aaron, friend, message, relationship, work

- Rich, 9:07 AM |

Monday, October 29, 2001

What Can I Write About My Friends?

I know at least some people are reading Sad Salvation. They tell me when I have typos and point out my mistakes. My guess is that most of the people that read this web log are my friends. They are the only people that I have told about it. Someone would have to come upon it by accident or by the recommendation of my friends.

Since my friends are the people that are reading this web log, I wonder how much I can write about them. The main goal of my writing is to spill out my guts on the page. I feel that the deepest darkest parts of me are the most attractive on the page. I feel that my greatest insight lies where my deepest darkest feelings are. The nasty parts of me are side by side with those feelings

In those dark places I have really nasty things to say about my friends. I love my friends, but there is something about love that brings out these feeling. As much as I love my friends, I seem to think the worst things about them. I see their weakness, failing, and problems. Some of their problems really hurt me. Some of there problems really stick out and I wish I could correct them.

I know that my friends do not know everything I think about them. I know that I do not tell them everything, because it is not my place. I really do not have the right to tell them what I think. I have the feeling that we always hide things from people we love. If we did not love them, we would not care what they thought about us.

Many times I want to frame my feeling about myself inside of things that I feel about my friends. There are interactions between my friends and myself that I want to interpret. I know that some of the things I want to write will blind side these people. I feel that I might cross a line if I do these things. There is a line between the things I can say about my friends. I know that I want to cross that line from time to time. I am not sure how the right thing to do is.

The other hard part is that most of the people that read Sad Salvation are my friends. Even if I try to hide the identity of one of my friends, the rest of my friends will be able to figure out who that person is. It will not be much of a hidden identity. I cannot protect them from my feelings if I spill those feelings on the page

Labels: blog, friend, sadsalvation

- Rich, 1:45 AM |

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