I went to the dentist today and it was hard. I am currently fighting off a cold. I took a sick day on Monday, but I am still sick today. My nose is running and my throat is raw. The only way to keep from coughing is to suck on cough drops. It was not a fun day to go to the dentist. I had to go because I already canceled this visit once. It was supposed to be the day of the last round of layoffs at work.
I, like most people, hate going to the dentist. It is not the pain that gets to me. It is not the soreness after the visit that bothers me. It is the idea of people rooting around in my mouth that has always bothered me. It is the feeling of fingers poking and prodding inside of my mouth. It is my mouth and other people fingers do not belong there.
The last couple times I have been to the dentist I been interested by the experience of being in the chair. I am numb and the dentist has his fingers in my mouth. He is scraping on my teeth with drills, sonic cleaners and other devices I cannot fathom. I close my eyes and feel what is happening. I have to close my eyes. If I look at the dentist and his assistant it is too much for me.
I sit there, listening to and feeling what the dentist is doing in my month. Time moves in all kind of screwed up ways. it will take forever for him to just to get done with one tooth. The next thing I know we are almost done. He is talking the whole time. I am only listening with that automatic part of my brain. The rest of my brain is trying to stay calm.
The sound is almost as bad as the feeling. It is loud and there is nothing I can do to turn down the volume. I know there is less pain because of the sonic tools, but it is still strange. I listen and feel him do each tooth. It takes endurance for me to put up with it all.
When I go to the dentist I am always on the verge of freaking out. I am always on the edge. There is part of me that wants to run out of the office screaming. After the dentist starts working on me I have to clear my throat several times. Most of the time I just need to have the dentist out of my mouth until I can calm myself down again.
I hate all of these things, but I know I just cannot bail in the middle of an appointment. I need to get the work finished. As much as I hate going now, I will hate it more if I need a root canal. Maybe focusing on these things is what gives me the strength to do it.
Labels: dentist, self, sick, sick day
