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Comments by: YACCS

Welcome to Sad Salvation. Day by day by day by day ... this is my attempt to make sense of the world.



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Friday, February 02, 2007


Network Effect of Dating

The long standing question for me is, "How do I meet women?" When I ask this question I mean, "How do I meet women who are available and interesting in dating?" I have never been good at answering this question. I was not good at finding interesting women even when they were all around me. I know a few people who think that it is almost impossible to meet that person once you are out of school. That is a depressing idea.

Both Andrew and Peter have been telling me that I need to work on the Network Effect. They both have the same play for meeting women. Here is the plan:

1. Become friends with women
2. Go to parties with the women you are now friends with
3. Meet their friends at the party.
4. Have your female friends endorse you to the women you met at the party
5. Go on dates with the women you have met at the parties.

I have never been able to put this kind of plan into action for myself. I have a handful of female friends. When I tell them about this idea they live me the "I hope he does not ask me for help on this one" look. Most of them tell me that the theory is not going to work. The answers from my female friends range from, "I do not have any female friends" to "I would not wish my female friends on anyone" to "I don't get involved with other people's love lives."

Maybe part of the first part of the plan needs to become, "become friends with women who hang out with single women." This idea will clearly not work with my current group of female friends.

I wonder if this is reflection of what my female friends think of me. If you would not date someone, would you tell your friends about the?

If anyone has a good idea of how I can meet single women, let me know. I need to go on some dates. I think it would be good for me.

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Saturday, July 08, 2006


Dating on Flickr


Cheese
Originally uploaded by earthdog.

I would like there to be a dating API for flickr. I would like a way to sort through the photos for all the singles in my area. I would like to use flickr as a first pass to see if I could date them or not. I want to see how they photograph the world. I want to show them my pictures before I start talking to them. I think this will give me some idea of who they are. Does anyone know if this tool is out there right now?

I think people fail at dating because they focus on the wrong things. There are so many surface issues that you do not see the deeper person. You wast so much time on just getting an idea who a person is. I think that seeing someone's flickr photos could give me a place to start getting to know them. I think it would tell them something about me also.

I am not sure if you can really learn anything about me from just looking at my photos. It just does not seem any more useless than any other way people meet on line. It seems more useful than most dating sites.

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Monday, June 23, 2003


Weddings

I see lots of lists on the web. One of the worst I have read lately is 10 Worst Reasons to Marry a woman. There is nothing interesting or insightful in this list. You can get these ten reasons from a drunk guy at the local dive. This is just poor content.

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Saturday, July 13, 2002


Going out for drinks

I want to be honest with myself and I want write my feelings about what happened. These two ideas seem to be very hard. I do not want to reveal too much. While she did not ask for my web site address, I never know if she is going to read it or not. I want to limit the number of places I put my foot in my mouth.

What I do not know is if I am in it or not. I had a great time, but I do not know if this will actually lead to dating or if it was a just friends thing. I can say that at least I am not out of it yet. I still have hope that there is a chance for a relationship there. That is the important thing.

I did have a really good time. I think there is a good level of connection there. I think I found out at least some things that I would not be able to learn in the work environment. I will have to figure out where it will lead from here. I am still not really clear. That is part of the challenge.

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Monday, July 08, 2002


Thinking about dating

I have only received one piece of advice about dating so far. At least one person has put in it in a comment box. Other people have offered me advice.

With this advice I have been thinking about my personal does and don't as I prepare to go out for drinks this Friday.

1. Keep a good level of eye contact.
I think this is a side-effect of my days as a phone monkey, but I have a hard time keeping eye contact with people as they talk. If I am really listening to someone, I will usually stare off into space. I try to visualize everything they are talking about. It helps me pay more attention. The problem is that people think I am not paying attention at all.

2. Try not to prove anything
Too often in conversations I get caught up trying to prove how funny, witty, or smart I am. I think it really hurts me on dates. The woman probably has a good idea of how smart I am. I do not have to prove it to her. When I try to prove anything I think I will lose my rapport with her. I end up talking my way out of things.

3. Try to keep my conversation focused on her
I do not know that much about this woman. I should learn things about her. It is also important for me to not just talk about what I think and feel. When I am nervous, I have a tendency to just talk. I think that I need to make an effort to do both of these things.

4. Relax and Don't Let It Bring You Down
I forget this simple rule when it comes to a lot of things. It is an important rule to remember when dealing with other people.

Tell me if you have any other advice.

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Wednesday, July 03, 2002


Dating Advice

I am looking for advice from my friends. My friends know me pretty well. I think they might know how I might screw up going out for drinks with a woman. Someone told me "just be your charming self." My problem is that when I am nervous, my charming self can turn into my annoying self. You guys know me, what traps should I avoid? What conversations should I stay away from? What should I keep an eye on?

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Monday, July 01, 2002


Working toward a meaningful date

There is a woman at work who I have had a little bit of a crush on for months. I kept on telling myself that I should make some kind of move. After months of tripping over my tongue and not taking advantage of chances, I finally asked her to go out for drinks with me after work sometime. She said yes without any hesitation.

I pushed right then to set a date. In the past I had made the mistake of asking someone out and never following up on it. If I was going to make mistakes, I am going to make new ones. The mistake I made was agreeing to go out for drinks after work this Friday. I did not realize at the time that we have off this Friday. So today we reset the date to be the following Friday.

It is kind of odd, but I am get a little scared with things do not click like this. I am always worried it is a bad sign. In the past I thought I missed out on relationships because we just stumbled through the beginning.

I should not be so down. We have a date set and that is cool. Who knows what will happen. I am just happy that I worked up the courage to do something. I have wasted too much time trying not to fail already.

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Monday, June 17, 2002


Meaningful Dates

I told a friend about my goal of three meaningful dates in the next year. I told her because I know she is the type of person who likes to connect her friend together. I could see her light up as I started to tell her that. I wonder if it is going to work or not. I know that I have to try tapping my friends. I think that will be my plan until the end of July. After that I will have to try something else.

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Wednesday, June 05, 2002


Turning 30

I have decided that I have a goal to have three meaningful dates before I turn 31. It could be three dates with one woman or one date with three women. I have not had a meaningful date since I have moved out to the West Coast. It is time I try to do something about it. I think I need to define meaningful date. I am talking about a date where there is actually some chance the woman is interested in me. In the past I would go out with a woman and I never had a chance with the woman from the start. I am not going to count that as a date.

Now I just have to figure out what women I can do on dates with. I am not sure I know any single women. I guess I have to get to work when I get back to San Jose.

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Thursday, May 09, 2002


Blind Date Blog

BlindDateBlog

I am not sure what to say about this. Just that it exists at all is really strange.

Update: I removed a link from this entry because the blog is no longer there

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