I had seen this documentary about math and history before. They did a segment about the game
go and samurai warriors. At the beginning of a game of go there is a seemingly infinite (4.5x10^397) number of outcomes. With each piece that is played those outcomes start to narrow. The game was taught to samurai warriors for them to learn decision making. With every choice you make you have fewer choices in front of you. Often in life you only get to make once choice in a situation.
Part of me thinks that the end of my relationship is like ending a game of go and starting a new one. I made a lot of choices in my relationship, choices that limited the directions the relationship could go. I was happy to make those choices for the relationship. Now that I get to start fresh, I can think if those are the same choice I should make next time.
Directly from the department of synchronicity, the week before the breakup I read
Who Moved My Cheese for work. I did not know the book would be coming into play in my personal life so soon. The cheese in the book is supposed to be a metaphor for whatever makes you happy. By breaking up with me she ended up moving my cheese.
One of the questions in the book was, "What would you do if you had no fear?" This saying has been in my head for the last couple of days. I am not saying that I am a person that usually lives his life in fear. I am thinking of this more like, "What would you do if you had no obligations?" I was happy to live up to those obligations when I was in the relationship. I think that obligations are a good thing. It is our commitments that life substantial. Now that I do not have them what should I be doing?
It is not that I do not have any obligations at all. I still have work and financial obligations. I am not willing to just pickup everything and leave. If I had no obligations at all, I think I would look for work in another country. I think that might be enjoyable. I am not ready to leave TiVo anytime soon. Maybe I will get a job in Prague when I am ready to leave TiVo.
Now that I have no relationship obligations I have to re-examine what in my life. Are there interests that I have not engaged in that I should look into? This time gives me a chance to look at my life. I need to take time to do that and not just be pissed off about the end of the relationship.
Labels: Abigail, break-up, Go, math, Samuri, Who Moved My Cheese, work
