I keep on saying that this year does not feel like Christmas. That might be because I do not take the time to do anything that is really Christmas themed. I might go to a party or two, but I do not take the time to find my Christmas spirit. I might need to engage Christmas more for San Jose to have the Christmas feeling for me.
Christmas is not far away. I never feel ready for Christmas. I am not ready so I never do anything special. I never send out Christmas cards. I rarely decorate for Christmas. I could do more, but I don't. I wonder why that is.
I am going back to Philadelphia for Christmas. I am taking my girlfriend back to meet my parents. It should be one hell of a trip. I am looking forward to Kate meeting everyone and everyone meeting Kate. I am a little stressed because there is a lot of planning and I am not close to the planning. I am just hoping it will be a good trip.
It will be good to see my parents. I think they will like Kate.
I have been back at my parents house long enough for it to feel like I have been here a long time, yet there are a whole bunch of things I did not get done. I did not take many pictures while I was here. I would have loved to go out and photography Christmas decorations. I just did not find to the to do it. There are lots of things that I wish I could have done.
On the other hand I feel like I have been away from work forever. I am hoping things have been smooth when I have been away from the office. My guess is that they have been, but you never know. I do not want to be too buried in work when I get back.
It was good to see my family. it is a same that I only see them once or twice a year. I do not see that changing as long as I live in San Jose. It is hard for me to travel to see them and harder for them to travel to see me.
I did not spend much time in Philadelphia on this trip. It would have been nice to get into the city more. I just ended up staying out in the suburbs. I had so many little family events I just did not have the time to get away for a long enough time.
The hard part is being away from my own bed. I am happy to be sleeping in the guess bed at my parents' house, but it is still not my bed. I often find myself almost falling out of it. It has been a long time since I would rather sleep away from my home.
I am looking to get back to San Jose. As much as I like this area, I still have a home of my own to get back to.
Being here for Christmas is very relaxing. Whenever I stay in San Jose for Christmas there is always something missing. It just never feels like Christmas. It might be because I have a family in San Jose. After 7 years, I have a network of friends, but no real family. When I am here I have family around. Even with the drama that every family has, it is still a good time.
It is also good because I am not at the office. I have not had to deal with one work issue or read one work e-mail. That is pretty nice. I know this means that I will buried when I get back. It is nice to not have to deal with work while I am here.
I feel sorry for all the people stuck in Denver. It makes me happy that I got home so early. I am a little worried about getting back to San Jose. I heard on the radio that the do not expect air travel to get back to normal in the US until well into next week. At lease I will be here for Christmas.
I am back in Warminster, PA. It is a midsized suburb about an hour north of Downtown Philadelphia. I am back sleeping in the house I grew up in. That is always a little strange.
I feel a connection to my parent's house, but I know it is not my place. There are things that change and things that stay the same. I know that I lived in my parents house a little too long. I was 26 by the time I moved out. I did not move out until I could get clear of the whole area. I looked at moving out before that, but when I decided to move out west I knew just getting out of the house would delay the greater move.
The whole area feels a little like the house I grew up in. I still feel a connection and love for this place, but it is not my place. I know my family would like me to move back. I feel a little jealous of them. I have to travel so far to see them and they are all around here. It would be nice to see them more often.
I know if I moved back here I would have to start all over again. It has been more than 8 years now. I could not just walk back into my old life. That time has passed. I am not the same person and neither are my old friends. If I moved back here I would have to put together a whole new life for me. I have some building blocks already in place, but it does not mean it would be easy.
I will try to write while I am here, but being home takes up so much of my mental space, it is hard to stop and find time to blog. I have not started my Christmas shopping yet. I need to get on that.
My friend Aaron sent me his thoughts on Santa Claus. I think it is in response to something I posted about my father and Santa Claus. I guess it is all about how far you take Santa Claus. If you play it up too much it could be cruel.
Now that it is "post holiday", specifically Christmas, I have something that has bothered me for a while. It has to do with capitalism, but more about what's right and wrong with Christmas. I feel that the whole gift giving phenomenon is all cute and nice, and it does give you a good feeling to give somebody a gift. But this day is about Jesus' birth. I am sick of the whole mass media marketing machine shoving Christmas down our throats like it's mandatory to get people gifts. For me, It all started with Santa Clause. I really did believe in Santa Clause. I remember my cousins telling me that I just missed Santa darting across the sky with his reindeer and sleigh. It was at my grand mom's house, and they were the first ones out the door, so they tricked me into believing that he flew over head and I missed it all. I have a problem with Santa because parents and teachers and uncles and relatives are always chiding their children for lying. But what do they do? they take advantage of youth and naivety by telling you about some fake man, who may, or may not have ever existed, and they play the old "carrot and stick" with you about being good and getting presents. The whole thing about chimney crawling and leaving milk and cookies, and Rudolph. It's America's biggest lie. Well, besides Iran Contra and "I did not have sexual relations with that woman". All I'm saying I'm saying is "don't tell your children to be honest and never tell a lie, and then lie to them about Santa Clause and not expect them to hold it against you". That's on par with finding out that my mom and dad stole cable television by having my uncle hook up a "hot Box" onto our television when I was a kid. I have to admit that it was nice to try and watch the Playboy Channel (even though it never came in) and to see constant reruns of Cheech and Chong, but it was bad parenting. That's the point of my life when I realized that; A) Santa doesn't exist, he's just a made up lie that's cute and funny and parents get to hold it over your head until you figure out that it's them. B)My parents are stealing cable television, on top of lying about Santa Clause. That's borderline criminal behavior. I am scarred for life.
I gave Cathy the Rocking Like Rich Thomas box set. I wanted to make Cathy a gift. Cahty has too much music to begin with so I knew the standard mix idea would not work. I decided to go a little over the standard mix. I made her 18 disks of bands I really like. My idea was go show Cathy how I see music.
Here are the disks that I gave Cathy:
Ben Folds The Sundays R.E.M. (Conglomerate Days) R.E.M. (Syndicate Days) Toad the Wet Sprocket Belle & Sabastian Son Volt Counting Crows Wilco The Smiths Richard Thompson Bruce Springsteen Hal Hartley Crowded Crows Pavement Bob Dylan Paleface Extra Disk – Rap, Almost Just Rap
I wonder what this list of bands says about me. I am still waiting for Cathy to tell me she listened to the whole thing.
On Sunday I hung out with Cathy, Chris, and Steve. Cathy described that day pretty well on her Live Journal. We spent a couple of hours doing her radio show. It was surreal on some level.
After the radio show we sung karaoke. Cathy has been telling me about this karaoke night for a long time. She loves going to this place and she wanted to show us why. Cathy knows that I have a history with karaoke. When I was 23, right out of college, I used to hang out at a karaoke bar all the time. She had heard lots of story of bad songs. I once suggested that a karaoke wedding reception would be a good idea. She knows that I would be at that bar every week if I lived in Philadelphia.
She described it in her Live Journal, but I cannot figure out how to link to specific entries. I decided to take this right from her page. Just remember that "I" refers to Cathy. I do not back up dance.
Peter did "Detachable Penis"
Steve did a bunch of old country stuff, like Hank Williams, and "Blue Suede Shoes"
Rich introduced the crowd to his "everything is sung like Tom Waits" stylings, taking on The Carpenters and Paper Lace's "The Night Chicago Died"
I did my best ever effort on "Mr. Roboto" and "My Sharona", rocking out, doing the robot and the Molly Ringwald dance.
Some new songs were done. Trishy debuted her version of Olivia Newton John's "Physical". Elisa took on The Spinners' "I'll Be Around".
I did more backup dancing duty.
Strangely Joe H., the DJ, struck up two conversations with me, and I got a hug at the end of the night. He definitely seemed in the holiday spirit.
The best moment of the night was when a large group of us got up and performed "Do They Know It's Christmas?" ala Band Aid.
Cathy left out that I sang Your Cheatin' Heart. I like that song because anyone can sound like a hillbilly. The group singing "Do They Know It's Christmas?" was great.
We had a great time on Sunday. It was the kind of night that I really look forward to having when I go back home. It had the kind of energy that nothing else mattered but having a good time right then.
Right now I am sitting at Cathy's Radio show. She is doing a Christmas show. We have been doing little skits for the songs that are not Christmas Songs. We played Pacman Fever, Ain't Nothing Going to Break My Stride, and The Dream Police to name a few songs. This is something that I would not have done if I was in San Jose right now.
In the airport yesterday I was sitting near a family with two small children. One child was young enough to still believe in Santa Claus. The other must have been told there is no Santa. They younger of the two kinds was worried that Santa was not going to be able to find them this year since they were not going to be at home. The older son was about to speak up when his mother gave him that, "if you say something to spoil your brother's Christmas, I will think up something really bad to do to you" look. The mother assured her younger son that Santa has been doing this for a long time and he would be able to find them.
When I found out that I might have been lied to about Santa Claus I was a little broken up. I knew it had to be true, but I was still sad. My father took me aside then. I have never thought of my father as a sentimental man. There are a lot of things in this world he has no time for. At that time my father told me something I still think about to this day.
My father told me of course Santa Claus is real. If Santa Claus was not real, why would people break their back working overtime to buy good gifts for their families? If Santa Claus was not real, why would people go buy gifts for kids they do not even know? If Santa Claus was not real, why would so many people give to charity? If Santa Claus was not real, why would people put so much effort into parties for their friends? If Santa Claus was not real, why would people travel all the way a cross the country just to spend a few days with people they love? He told me the Santa Claus is in people's hearts not on the North Pole. I think about this just about every Christmas.
Tomorrow I am leaving to go home for Christmas. Today I am just filled with energy. I cannot focus on anything. I just want to go, go, go. It is a hard way to be at work.
It was not very cold in San Jose. It does not get very cold either. No one I know can remember the last time it Snowed in San Jose. I cannot see it ever being cold enough to get snow here.
I was walking around downtown San Jose this evening. They had these machines on one of the walkways. Every few minutes the machines would start up and they would spray things that look like snow flakes. It was strange for me to see these machines. It was odd to see this artificial snow flying around. After a few minutes I realized that the machines where actually shooting soap suds around. At times it actually looked like it was snowing.
The fake snow does not make it feel any more like Christmas. I think it will not feel like Christmas until I am in the actual cold weather of Philadelphia. Even if my shopping is almost done, it does not feel like Christmas yet.
I went to a Christmas party over the weekend. It is the first Christmas party I have gone to this year. One of the guys from work was throwing it. I have been bugging him for months about when he was going to invite me to his house. He purchased the house about 8 months ago. I kept on telling him that he should have a get together with some people from work. I wonder if he invited me because I kept on bothering him.
I had a good time at the party. I have noticed that I have lost some of the social skills that I used to have. It has been a while since I have been at a party where I did not know anyone. I used to be good at injecting myself into conversations. I did not do this on Saturday. I spent most of my time listening to other people and watching them. My friend is a Stanford Grad. A lot of the people at the party were from Stanford. My mind seemed to glaze over when people started to talk about Stanford.
I was the only person from work who showed up. This surprised me a little bit. I thought that there would be more people from work there. My friend is a wellx liked person around the office. I would think that more people would want to come to his party. There is something very Silicon Valley about this. I think people what some level of distance from the people they work with.
Toward the end of the night my friend broke out his X-Box. We played Fuzion Frenzy, Halo, and Dead or Alive 3. The X-Box is a pretty good game system. There were a few of us left. We hung around and played video games for a long time. It was 4 AM before we left. I had a really good time playing the video games. It was easy to socialize with the people then. Since we had the game to connect with, it was easier to joke with each other.
I am happy that I went to this party. I usually do not get out enough. It was worth my time to get out of my apartment. Too often I build these partied up in my head before I go to them. I am usually disappointed. I did not build this up in my head and I was not disappointed. I seemed to be more in the moment when I went to this party. I think that helped me enjoy it.
I feel that I am not a generous man. I know that my friends might not see this. I am generous with my time, my spirit, and with my words. I am not generous with my money. I am not saying I am stingy. If a friend asks me for money, I will do what I can.
I just do not give money to charity or to people I do not know. There is part of me that is not sure about the general effectiveness of charity. If I give money to feel poor families, is that a negative market force? If I send my money to another country, does that give the ruler of that country the chance to not take care of his people?
There is one charity that I give to every Christmas, The Family Giving Tree. The last two years we have had a Giving Tree at TiVo. You pick tags off the tree and buy gifts for poor children. There is a lot in this world that I am not sympathetic about. The idea of a kid having nothing for Christmas just breaks me up on the inside.
Last weekend I bought gifts for the giving tree. I bought watches for two girls. I like buying watches because I thought watches were cool when I was a kid. I think the watch might be somewhat functional for the kid also. I think giving trees are a worthwhile way for me to share my blessings.
Christmas Is too close and I have too many things to do. I am going back to my hometown, Warminster PA, for Christmas this year. I feel like I have a lot of things to do before I go back. Too often I wait for the last minute before I do these things. I let way to many things go to the last minute.
I never feel ready for Christmas. It is always just a few days away in December. I think it is because I really do not get in the Christmas spirit. I do not do anything to get myself in the Christmas Spirit. I do not do any Christmas Crafts, decorate my apartment, or have Christmas parties. Maybe that is why I am having these feelings.
It is Christmas time and I have been seeing people post links to their Amazon Wishlists. Whenever I see someone post their wishlist, I look at it if I know the person or not. I am hoping that I can find something out about these people by looking at there wishlist. I am wondering what these people might reveal to me.
Most of the time I really do not get any more idea about them. I see what books they like. I usually think that I should read some of these books. I really want to see what Amazon thinks about these people. I want to see their Amazon Recommendations. When I have a slow moment at work I go and edit my Amazon Recommendations. I am just fascinated by the engine that runs those recommendations.
As an adult, December has always been the quickest month. It seems to be the month that flies by at the most amazing speed. I know it is because I put so many thing off. December moves like the last few hours of a Sunday night. I put things off all weekend and I put things off all year. Now I have to come to terms with the things that I have not gotten done. I will have to figure out if I will be able to get them done next year.
December makes me come to grips with the fact that I am an adult. When you are a child December seems to be a month that will never finish. It is a different world as an adult. Sometimes I wish I could have that level of pure joy that Christmas used to have. I know that cannot be because there is no one for me to share Christmas with. Even when I am going home for Christmas, it is not the same thing.
We have a whole other year to be looking forward to now.
It is Christmas again and time to think about holiday parties. It is a different world now then 2000 or 1999. At least it is a different world in Silicon Valley. This story from SiliconValley.com talks about the change in the Valley. It looks like people are pulling back a little on the parting. In 1999 my company had a Christmas cruise about the bay. It had both a DJ and a funny money casino. In 2000 we had a swanky affair in Palo Alto.
This is really interesting. It was always said that Silicon Valley knows how to party. We knew how to play hard after we worked hard. Even when I was at these parties, I realized that it would not last forever. I could tell this would not last forever. Launch parties were worse then any holiday parties. I wondered how companies could spend all that money.
It is interesting that the article above does not mention layoffs at all. I think that is a really big reason not to have big parties. We just laid off half the company, but we are going to blow a few million dollars on a party. I wonder what that would do to a company's morale.
This year my company is having a holiday luncheon and a half day off. Of course this is a day that I will be in Philadelphia. I am going to miss the party all together. Oh well, I wonder if I will still be in the valley when the big parties come back.
