A friend of mine got laid off this week. This scares me a lot. For the last few months I have been thinking that most of the layoffs in Silicon Valley are over. At most companies there are no more people to cut. I was thinking that all I needed to worry about was my company surviving. If my company did not make it, other companies would be hiring by the time I was looking.
I am not ready to be unemployed. I am not good at the simple things like saving money. I would have to work really hard to find another job. Including the recent events at WorldCom, Global Crossing, and Enron, I wonder if anyone in the valley is going to be tagged with this kind of problem. If that happens, it will be bad times around here. If I have to go without a job for too long, I will be heading somewhere to live with someone else.
I think I can weather the storm. The valley will be an ugly place if there is another round of layoffs. It is not too bad right now, but I think most of the gold rushers have already left. If another bad round hits, people will be sleeping on the streets soon.
I want to be honest with myself and I want write my feelings about what happened. These two ideas seem to be very hard. I do not want to reveal too much. While she did not ask for my web site address, I never know if she is going to read it or not. I want to limit the number of places I put my foot in my mouth.
What I do not know is if I am in it or not. I had a great time, but I do not know if this will actually lead to dating or if it was a just friends thing. I can say that at least I am not out of it yet. I still have hope that there is a chance for a relationship there. That is the important thing.
I did have a really good time. I think there is a good level of connection there. I think I found out at least some things that I would not be able to learn in the work environment. I will have to figure out where it will lead from here. I am still not really clear. That is part of the challenge.
Back in high school Bill O'Neill and I have a fascination, maybe obsessed, with nuclear power and nuclear war. We saw the obvious absurdism of having weapons that could destroy the world many times over. We loved the old educational films about what to do in case of an atomic attack. If we had a travel guide like Atomic Tourist I know we would have tired to visit a lot of these places.
Eric and I were talking about this yesterday. I heard a radio interview in which the interviewee claimed that the Beatles were the first "band." Could this be correct?
"Band" is defined as a group of musicians playing their own instruments with no marketed frontman controlling the group.
Under this definition the following groups are "bands":
The Beatles The Rolling Stones The Byrds Aerosmith The Band Credence Clearwater Revival The Jefferson Airplane
The following groups are not "bands":
The Supremes Buddy Holly and the Crickets Bill Haley and the Comets The Four Seasons The Four Tops The Temptations Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
The challenge is to find a band which predates the Beatles, who for the sake of argument we'll say began in 1962 with the recording of their first single, Love Me Do.
I am looking back at the picture I posted an hour ago. I wonder if I am abusing this woman's image. There are two arguments. The first is that she posted her picture on the internet. She should know that when you post something like this you are releasing it to the whole world. The second is that she put her picture up for a specific purpose. I had to dig pretty deep to find it. I am out of bounds to use it for my weblog.
I want to know what other people think. How would you feel if you found a picture of yourself on someone else's weblog? Someone you do not know?
I got my car washed today. Many of my close friends realized that this is a rare thing for me. I usually let my car just be dirty on the outside. It is usually not much better on the inside either. Today I went all the way, not only cleaning the outside, but also vacuuming the inside also. I am getting ready if the woman on Friday wants to take one car when we go out for drinks.
After I washed my car I really looked at my paint job. There are lots of scratches and chips in my paint job. I am usually someone who does not pay too much attention to my car. While I love driving, I think it is crazy when I see people who's life is their car. San Jose has a real car culture here. There must be 40 cars in the parking lot of my job that cost more then $60K. I would never spend that much money on a car.
I think that there is a line. On one side you have a zen approach to your car. You are utilitarian about transport and your car takes you from point A to point B. On the other side of that line you are a slob and you let you do not take care of the things you own. Where is that line exactly. I would like to say I am on the utilitarian side of that line. Those of you who have ridden in my car might think differently.
During my surfing tonight I came upon this picture.
I will admit you have to go to a muslim singles page to find a picture like this. This picture if of a 17 year old woman who is living in Oman . She is a niqaabi (a muslim woman who totally covers herself in public) and she convered in Islam in the past 1-2 years.
I look at this picture and I entranced. I just cannot look away from her eyes. I wonder how she sees the world. I wonder what go on behind her eyes. I wonder is her what I would think if I hear her speak. The sad thing is that I will never get a chance to know any of these things. That might be the reason I cannot look away from this picture.
1.) Yes conflicting theories abound, what do you think dreams (nightly adventures) mean, or do you subscribe to a particular theorist and why? I think that dreams are wide brush ideas. If I have one dream where I am killed I do not think it really means that much. If I keep on having dreams where I am killed, it might mean something. I think that we need to look at the themes of dreams and not the actions. I can describe a dream very well not never express how it made me feel. I think we have to look at the way our dreams make us feel.
2.) When you are confronted by a homeless person asking for change, how do you respond? How does it make you feel? If you've never been in this situation, imagine it, and calculate your response. I never feel good no matter what I do. I live in a neighborhood with a fair number of homeless people. I know if I give homeless people change, it does nothing to help their situation. Most likely I am prolonging their time on the street. If you give homeless people money, there is a chance that spot will be known as a good place to panhandle. If that happens you will have more people there. On the other hand I feel that I should be doing more for them. I ask myself "what would Jesus think of me at this moment?" The last time I gave anyone money is when I was in Portland on Easter night. I know she spent the money on dinner.
3.) Do you feel you have been short changed in any way by destiny/fate/God? If so, how? I do not feel short changed. I do feel sad that I do not feel a deep relationship with God in my heart.
I just sent an e-mail message to a person that I have not been in contact with for years. He was one of my old college friends. I had totally fallen out of contact with everyone I knew while I was in college. I actually feel like I have been excommunicated from that crowd of people. Maybe I am taking it a little hard. I currently speak to no one from Millersville. I wonder what that says about my college days.
JF Cates at Testzone Blog Report made me think of this quote. JF lives in Charm City (Baltimore, MD). We are both big fans of the TV show Homicide: Life On The Street. In one of her recent posts she answers the question "What's the real reason you get up every morning?" with, "because I love my first cup of coffee in the morning." Instantly I thought of this quote from Homicide.
Det. Frank Pembleton: You know, every day I get out of bed and drag myself to the next cup of coffee. I take a sip and the caffeine kicks in. I can focus my eyes again. My brain starts to order the day. I'm up, I'm alive. I'm ready to rock. But the time is coming when I wake up and decide that I'm not getting out of bed. Not for coffee, or food or sex. If it comes to me, fine. If it won't, fine. No more expectations. The longer I live, the less I know. I should know more. I should know the coffee's killing me. You're suspicious of your suspicions? I'm jealous, Kay; I'm so jealous. You still have the heart to have doubts. Me? I'm going to lock up a 14 year old kid for what could be the rest of his natural life. I got to do this. This is my job. This is the deal. This is the law. This is my day. I have no doubts or suspicions about it. Heart has nothing to do with it anymore. It's all in the caffeine.
I listen to this on MP3 and I am amazed. As a writer, I wish I could capture an idea as well as this.
I have only received one piece of advice about dating so far. At least one person has put in it in a comment box. Other people have offered me advice.
With this advice I have been thinking about my personal does and don't as I prepare to go out for drinks this Friday.
1. Keep a good level of eye contact. I think this is a side-effect of my days as a phone monkey, but I have a hard time keeping eye contact with people as they talk. If I am really listening to someone, I will usually stare off into space. I try to visualize everything they are talking about. It helps me pay more attention. The problem is that people think I am not paying attention at all.
2. Try not to prove anything Too often in conversations I get caught up trying to prove how funny, witty, or smart I am. I think it really hurts me on dates. The woman probably has a good idea of how smart I am. I do not have to prove it to her. When I try to prove anything I think I will lose my rapport with her. I end up talking my way out of things.
3. Try to keep my conversation focused on her I do not know that much about this woman. I should learn things about her. It is also important for me to not just talk about what I think and feel. When I am nervous, I have a tendency to just talk. I think that I need to make an effort to do both of these things.
4. Relax and Don't Let It Bring You Down I forget this simple rule when it comes to a lot of things. It is an important rule to remember when dealing with other people.
It is 2:20 AM. I have been sitting at my computer for about two hours not writing. I am not even starting to get tired yet. I feel that I have at least another hour or two in the tank. I have ideas to write about and focus. I have a sense of the world, that is something that I have been missing a lot lately.
The problem is that it is 2:20 AM. I need to be in work in 7 hours. I need to get some sleep tonight. If I go much longer, I will not be able to get up tomorrow morning. It is sad that I need to choose work over writing. It is sad that I do not have this kind of focus earlier in the day. I will have to work on improving my focus. It is the biggest thing missing from my writing currently.
It is 2:30 right now and I think I will be going to bed.
I love clicking on the 'The 10 most recently published blogs' on the Blogger home page. Some of them have just great titles. One of the recent ones I saw was He Said, She Said. Nothing has really been published on this blog yet. I see new blogs from time to time and I wonder if they are ever going to turn into anything. I want to keep my eye on this one. I want to see if they do anything with it.
I really like the idea of doing a blog with a small number of people and discussing subjects. Does anyone out there like this idea. Do you think you could write something at least three times a week that we could kick around. Tell me if you think we could start one.
