After every trip home, I have to ask myself the same questions. I have always enjoyed my trips home. I would not say that any of them have been a waste. This time I came back 29 and I am leaving 30. Warminster was a good place to celebrate my birthday. I knew there were people around for me to celebrate with. I knew my family would be there for me.
I feel when I go home that I do not have enough time there and I spend too much time there all at the same time. I feel I would like to spend more time with everyone. I would like to see everyone a couple of times before I have to leave. I also feel that I would rather my trips be quicker. The quicker the trip, the less work I have to do and the more people are willing to fit into my time frame.
I still love that area. I still have a draw in my heart to move back there. I would love to see my family more often. I would love to be part of my nephew Charlie's young life. I still have friends there. I feel that I could have current friendships with those friends that would not just be based on the past.
My question is, where am I going to work if I go back there? Will I be able to find a company I like as much as TiVo? Will I be able to find opportunities to succeed like I have in San Jose. How will I feel if I have to settle for a job I cannot stand? Why am I so unsure about getting a job I like?
What does it mean that I am willing trade off work for family? Why must it be a one or the other choice? What am I getting and what am I giving up? These are the questions that I will be thinking about a lot in the next few months.
I feel like I cannot go back yet. I feel there are still things I need to do in San Jose. I feel that I need to figure things out about what my life means and where it is going. I need to know these things before I move back to the Philadelphia area. I do not know these things I have the feeling I will be swallowed up but the people I know.
After my birthday dinner I went into the city to hang out with Cathy. She was DJ'ing at the 700 Club. The bar is two floors and the DJs were on the second floor. The bar is an old row home. The second floor has a house hold decor. The Bar looks like a residential kitchen and the DJ station is tiled like a bathroom.
After Cathy was done DJ'ing, we decided to drive down to Atlantic City. This might not have been the smartest movie. Cathy was a little too tried to enjoy this. When we got down to AC, it was a little cold and windy. We were only there a few minutes before we decide to leave. At least I got the chance to see the Atlantic ocean. On the drive back we were singing along with the radio so we could stay away. Cathy was amazed at how well she remember lyrics to Bryan Adams songs.
When we got back to Cathy's apartment we spent most of the day sleeping. I was good after only a couple of hours, but I knew Cathy was more rundown the I was. It is usually easy for me to go with only a couple of hours of sleep when I am on vacation. I did not disturb her into the afternoon.
We decided to go shopping. Cathy wanted to pick up another DJ CD player. The DJ store was pretty cool. I love all the toys there. I wish I had more money or a reason to buy some of that stuff. I like the CD players that you can cue like a turn table.
After that we went to a record shop. I always bitch about how there are no good record stores in San Jose. I wanted to take advantage of one while I was in Philadelphia. We when to one on North Second street. It was not there when I lived in Philadelphia. I forget the name of it. I had to keep myself from just buying everything I picked up. It was tempting, but I did not want to spend that much money.
After that we met up with some people for dinner. It most of the Philadelphia connection from the End of Summer Party. I have not seen them in a long time. I had a great time just sitting around, eating, and talking with them. It seemed like I intently reconnected with them.
After dinner some of us went for coffee. I got to talk to Angela a bit more. I realized how much I would like to get to know her again. She is just as funny as she used to be, but she seems much more grown up and confident in herself. We sat around the coffee house until it closed. It was like we did not want the night to end. I do not know when I will get to hang out with these people again. It was a very good birthday adventure in Philadelphia.
I am always bitching about how there are no good record stores in San Jose. I thought I should buy some CDs while I was in Philadelphia. I bought more CDs on this trip, then I did in the past six months (excluding my trip to Portland). I only seem to buy CDs when I am out of town.
I told my mother I came home because no one has baked me a cake since I moved out west. She said she was happy to bake a cake for me. It was great to have dinner with my family. The big dinner is always my favorite parts of the trip home. I love being able to interact with everyone. I love seeing everyone just be together.
Same Apartment. Survived a round of layoffs. Same Job. Visited Philadelphia, Chicago, Portland, Albuquerque. Visited Jeremy, Saw my friend Jeff get married. Same Car. Told a woman I had deep feeling for her and was rebuffed. Same Single status. I put up a new web page, two web logs, a group web log, and a dream log. I bought a new computer, Bought a MP3 player, bought a big hard drive for my MP3 files.
That is the short and easy version of my life. I am starting to wish I had a better way to define it.
I have decided that I have a goal to have three meaningful dates before I turn 31. It could be three dates with one woman or one date with three women. I have not had a meaningful date since I have moved out to the West Coast. It is time I try to do something about it. I think I need to define meaningful date. I am talking about a date where there is actually some chance the woman is interested in me. In the past I would go out with a woman and I never had a chance with the woman from the start. I am not going to count that as a date.
Now I just have to figure out what women I can do on dates with. I am not sure I know any single women. I guess I have to get to work when I get back to San Jose.
Today I had lunch with my sister Kathy today. I like the closeness I have with Kathy. I have a different relationship with each of my sisters. Kathy is the one I connect with most of the time. We spent a good time talking about her work and the law. The law fascinates me, in the way complex real world idea fascinate me. I like knowing things about the law, but I would never want to be involved with it.
After lunch I found a record store in Ambler. There used to be a really good one there, but it must have closed a while ago. The store I wet too had almost all used CDs. They were a lot of CDs that I used to own when I was in college. I could have bought a hundred of them, but I tried to limit myself to a few. I should take my chance to use the good CD stores in the area while I am home.
In the afternoon I went over to Ruth and Joe's house. I wanted a chance to see Charlie, Ruth, and Joe without other people around. I am never going to bond with Charlie if everyone else is always around. When I got there Charlie, Ruth and I played on their front porch. I will admit that I know nothing about toddlers. Charlie seems well behaved most of the time. We had to watch what we did in front of him and make sure we did not laugh when he did anything bad. I think that might be the hardest thing about discipline kids. Sometimes they do really bad things, but you just want to laugh a lot.
Later Dot stopped by. Dot and I took Charlie to the park so Ruth could get dinner started. I could tell that Charlie was starting to trust me. He was letting me take him in and out of the stroller. By the end of the trip to the park, Charlie was even asking me to take his hand. I could understand why I might scare him. It was nice that it did not take that long for him to warm up to me, but it did take a lot of work. After the park Ruth, Joe, Charlie and I had dinner. I stayed a while after dinner. Long enough that there was some time for Ruth and I to talk. If I did not go over to her house, we would have never had the chance to talk.
One of the reasons I would like to be closer to home is that I would like to be part of Charlie's Life. I am not going to be close to him if I am living on the west coast. I think he would not be afraid of me if I lived closer now. It is one of the pulls back to the east coast. I know there are a lot more things that I have to work on before I can move back there.
I got up today around 10 AM. I am still working on a West Coast schedule. Since I am only here for a week I think I am going to keep to it. I had lunch with Aaron today. He is man that I think I will always stay friends with forever. We instantly reconnect whenever we see each other.
Aaron and I talked about a lot of things. He has recently joined the sales force at Ficomp. I think this is a great move for him. I could always see him as a salesman. I think he has that certain something that makes a good salesman. He is that kind of salesman "guy." The kind of guy that other guys like. I could always see him as a car salesman.
Aaron and I talked about his relationship. I cannot even begin to describe this conversation. As many times as I expect I have heard it all when it comes to relationships, I always here something new. He told me a very good story that I cannot retell here. The story ended with him showing me an engagement ring he had just bought, unsure what was going to happen to it.
I had one real piece of advice for Aaron, don't waste time hedging bets. We all make enough mistakes as it is. We should not waste our time trying to play a bet and the hedge also. It is one thing if we make a mistake doing something with all your heart. We can say that is what life is all about. Aaron really understood the idea of hedging bets. He said he had done it too often.
After lunch with Aaron I went down to my old comic book store. George was at the store. George owns the store and I had wasted many hours of my youth and post college days just standing in the comic book store talking to George. George looks like a genius compared to all the comic books stores that went out of business. He had some ideas about how to run a business.
It was great to talk to George, but we do not connect the way we used to. Our lives have really gone two different directions. I think I could connect with him if I lived in the Philadelphia area. There are a lot of people in that category. We have not been able to keep up a friendship over a distance. I feel we could be friends if I lived in the same city. We still had a level of connection when we talked about sports and comic books.
After that I had dinner with my sister Alice. I try to make an effort to see my sisters in a more one on one setting. It is hard to do because I am only home for a couple of days. Sometimes I feel that Alice and I do not know each other as well as we should. Alice is different in a solo setting then a family setting. I get to see a different side of her when it is just the two of us.
After dinner I went out with Dave Crowley. Dave is one of my oldest friends. I have know Dave since second grade. Dave and I went to hang out at the bowling alley. John Coyle is currently working at the bar in the Thunderbird Lanes. The is the bowling alley that is right across the street from my parents' development. It was great to hang out with John and Dave. It has been forever since I have seen them. I try to see Dave every time I come home. I only see John every once in a while.
It I was not feeling old enough turning 30, John's little sister was there. When I think of John's sister, I think of a little girl playing with dolls. John's little sister is now a beautiful woman. She is turning 21 next week. I do not even feel bad about thinking she is hot. It just makes me feel old.
Dave and I got in a game while we were at the bowling alley. It was the first time since I left college that I broke 100. I choked on the last frame and Dave beat my by 5 pins. Dave and I had a fun time. I wish I had the chance to see him more often.
I would have to say this was another great day. It was a long day, but that is what vacation is all about.
Most of today was taken up by going to the baseball game. My sisters Kathy and Dot took me to the game as my birthday gift. My family knows that Baseball is my favorite sport. The older I get the more joy I seem to get out of it. It is hard to explain.
It was a great game. The Phillies killed the Expos 18-3. That is not the typical baseball game, the pitcher hit two homers. One of the home runs was a grand slam. The sad part was that I missed both of the pitchers home runs.
It would have been a great game even if the Phillies did not kill them. It was just great to go to a Phillies game with my sisters. I expect this will be my last trip to Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia. The city is building a new stadium that will be open in 2004. I am not sure I will get back again in time to see a game. Kathy and Dot kicked in and paid for my name being posted on the Phanovision. After the game we walked around to the Rocky statue. Dad wanted a picture in front of the Rocky statue.
After the game there was a big family dinner. My sister Ruth bought over my nephew Charlie. He is a lot bigger then the last time I saw him. Ruth wants Charlie to get used to me. He is only 18 or so months old. He is in that stage when he frightens easily. He freaked out when I tried to hold him earlier. This idea petrified Ruth. The idea of family is really important to her. She wants me to have a good relationship with Charlie.
Dinner was great. The thing that I see is that Ruth just looked really tired. Charlie seemed to be all over the place. It was like just keeping up with him made her tired. It makes me wonder if I could ever deal with having children. She loves Charlie and she does a good job with him. She just has to get through this time with him.
After dinner I played Pinochle with Kathy and my parents. I love playing cards. It has always been something that I enjoy. I never get the chance to play when I am in San Jose. No one my age knows how to play Pinochle. None of my friends play cards. It was great to just sit around the table and play cards. I wish I had the chance to do that more often.
I would say this was a very good first full day back in here.
