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Comments by: YACCS

Welcome to Sad Salvation. Day by day by day by day ... this is my attempt to make sense of the world.



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Saturday, January 26, 2002


Travelogue -­ Preface

I want to start a Travelogue on Sad Salvation. It is the start of the year and I want to travel a couple of times this year. I have not settled on all of my plans yet. There are more then a few things bumping around my head. Steve is getting married this fall. That is time I am going to spend in San Diego. My cousin is getting married in June in Knoxville. Jen is getting married this summer. That would be a trip to Pittsburgh in July. I was talking with Cathy about taking a trip with her. There is part of me that wants to drive cross country this summer.

I am not sure where I want to go. Most likely I will have to do a good deal of this travel alone. Being the Uber-single man I do not expect to have a traveling companion by the time I hit the road. I am not sure how much I want to travel alone. I have a lot of vacation time saved up and I have to use it some time. When I lived with my parents I loved to travel alone. It was my chance to be on my own. Now I am on my own all the time. I do not need to be on my own more often. Most of my life is about the time I spend by myself.

The problem with traveling on my own is very often I do not do as many activities as I would do if I was with another person. I do not take the time to look at the world around me. I just rush through everything. It also seems less important because I am not sharing it with any one. It feels less important because I am doing it all on my own. It is hard to explain, but things do feel more valid when they are shared with another person.

No matter what I will travel somewhere this year. I will start up the car and head away from San Jose. I just do not know the extent yet. I am not sure if it will only be for a few small trips or if it will be a big cross-country ride. That is what I need to decide for myself. There will be a need for a travelogue this year. That travelogue will be part of Sad Salvation.

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Going Pro

I signed up from Blogger Pro yesterday. Today my account kicked over. The options are okay. I am happy to have the spell checker back. The drafts feature is great for Super Karate Monkey Fist, since in theory, other people post to it.

Currently it is $35 a year to sign up for Blogger Pro. I think this is really worth it for me. I am not sure that I am going to use the pro features all that much. It is worth it because I really like the service at it is. I know I can use it for free, but it is worth $35 a year to me. I want to see blogger succeed. I think that using their Pro features will help. I will have to see how it goes.

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Friday, January 25, 2002


Reading

I was early for the movie. I am always early for movies. At one time my friends and I were at least an hour early for every movie we went to see. On the West Coast my friends are never early for the movies. I am lucky now if we get to see the previews.

Next to the theater there is a used bookstore. It is a good way to kill some time while I am waiting for my friend. I love used bookstores. They are almost like looking through one of your friend’s collections. You never know what books will be there. It is not like the huge bookstores where they are going to have everything ever. I wish there was someone there to tell me what he or she thought of the book.

I walked around the store for a little while. It seems that most of the writers I really enjoy are in the front part of the alphabet. I was kicking around between B and F. I was looking for writers like Douglas Coupland, Po Bonson, and Richard Ford.

I picked up a copy of Raymond Carver's Will You Please Be Quiet, Please. I thought about the last Raymond Carver book I read. It must have been almost five years ago. Cathedral, the title story in the last of his book I read, is my favorite short story of all time. Just thinking about those stories makes me almost cry. The words are so beautiful, so simple. It is amazing to just think of them.

It struck me that when I read Cathedral I had to really slow down my brain. I had to get rid of all the distractions and just read the book. I had to read the words one at a time. I had to be slow and read decisively. I could not just run over the top of the words. I had to pick each one of them up.

It is hard to remember the last time my mind slowed down that much. I looked at the book and flipped thought the pages. Most days my mind is going at maximum speed. I have not just sat down to read in a long time. Whenever I sit down with a book, something always stops me. Raymond Carver was not just sitting down to read. His books are letting myself go. I am so far away from that.

There is a stack of books in my apartment that I have not finished. I buy these books when I am at the book story. I start reading them, but I do not get very far. The book ends up getting lost in the clutter of my apartment. These books are a level of shame for me.

I buy the used copy of Raymond Carver's Will You Please Be Quiet, Please?. I tell myself that this book will not end up going unread. I tell myself that it will be good for me to slow my brain down every once in a while. The book store owner said nothing to me as I left the store.

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Markers

I got my W-2 today. It is the first time I only received one W-2. For the first year of my life, I have only worked one job. I am 29 years old an this is the first year I have receiver only one W-2. I have worked at jobs for more then one year in the past. In those years I was working more then one job at a time. It seems strange to me that it took this long for me to work only one job for a year. Like a lot of other things in my life, my work history is not what I planned it to be.

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Wednesday, January 23, 2002


Dry

Right now my brain feels really dry. Dry in that drought, nothing to give, nothing to sustain anything, kind of way. I have not been writing a lot on Sad Salvation lately. It has been going to the wayside. There seems like there are hundred other things for me to do. There are too many ways for me to spend my time. There are too many things that cry for my attention. I seem to give my attention to the things are the lease productive.

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Tuesday, January 22, 2002


Amateurs

Below is the definition or amateur from Merriam-Webster.

Main Entry: am·a·teur
Pronunciation: 'a-m&-(")t&r, -"tur, -"tyur, -"chur, -ch&r
Function: noun
Usage: often attributive
Etymology: French, from Latin amator lover, from amare to love
Date: 1784
1 : DEVOTEE, ADMIRER
2 : one who engages in a pursuit, study, science, or sport as a pastime rather than as a profession
3 : one lacking in experience and competence in an art or science


Most of the time when we hear someone use this word, they are using only the third definition. Most of the time I hear the word it is a pejorative. For most people the last thing people want to be is an amateur. I think that most people miss those first to definitions. At one-time amateurs were people that injected love into a pursuit.

A recent entry on Raccoon made me think how there is a new amateurism emerging. The internet is really helping it out. I think it is something that people should embrace. We should do what we can to stop using amateur as a dirty word.

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Time

Time is against me!

That is all I had to say.

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Sunday, January 20, 2002


Another weekend wasted

I spent most of this weekend trying to break my fever. I spent it watching televisions on the couch. I spent it with my head full of ache and no desire to look at my computer. It was not a great weekend. I got nothing done. I need to not rely on my weekends to get things done in my life.

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