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Comments by: YACCS

Welcome to Sad Salvation. Day by day by day by day ... this is my attempt to make sense of the world.



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Saturday, December 01, 2001


Welcome to the End of the Year

As an adult, December has always been the quickest month. It seems to be the month that flies by at the most amazing speed. I know it is because I put so many thing off. December moves like the last few hours of a Sunday night. I put things off all weekend and I put things off all year. Now I have to come to terms with the things that I have not gotten done. I will have to figure out if I will be able to get them done next year.

December makes me come to grips with the fact that I am an adult. When you are a child December seems to be a month that will never finish. It is a different world as an adult. Sometimes I wish I could have that level of pure joy that Christmas used to have. I know that cannot be because there is no one for me to share Christmas with. Even when I am going home for Christmas, it is not the same thing.

We have a whole other year to be looking forward to now.

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Friday, November 30, 2001


The Dark Side of the Good Guys

I am someone, like most of my friends that loves Star Wars. At work today we were talking about the Engineering of the Death Star. We were watching Star Wars in my cube. I noticed that the Millennium Falcon was pulled into a docking bay. The bay is on the Equator of the Death Star. The Millennium Falcon is pulled in on a 90 degree angle. Think about what this means. The Death Star is a series of floors from the North Pole to the South Pole. Think about the number of floors that place must have. I know it is a star ship the size of a moon. It is still odd to think they would build it that way.

I know that some people are saying right now that I am taking Star Wars too seriously. It is all in good fun. I think people could write some funny web sites on the Science of Star Wars. Check out what someone wrote about blowing up the second Death Star close to Endor. The whole idea that someone would write this site amuses me.

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Thursday, November 29, 2001


A year is a long time

It is Christmas again and time to think about holiday parties. It is a different world now then 2000 or 1999. At least it is a different world in Silicon Valley. This story from SiliconValley.com talks about the change in the Valley. It looks like people are pulling back a little on the parting. In 1999 my company had a Christmas cruise about the bay. It had both a DJ and a funny money casino. In 2000 we had a swanky affair in Palo Alto.

This is really interesting. It was always said that Silicon Valley knows how to party. We knew how to play hard after we worked hard. Even when I was at these parties, I realized that it would not last forever. I could tell this would not last forever. Launch parties were worse then any holiday parties. I wondered how companies could spend all that money.

It is interesting that the article above does not mention layoffs at all. I think that is a really big reason not to have big parties. We just laid off half the company, but we are going to blow a few million dollars on a party. I wonder what that would do to a company's morale.

This year my company is having a holiday luncheon and a half day off. Of course this is a day that I will be in Philadelphia. I am going to miss the party all together. Oh well, I wonder if I will still be in the valley when the big parties come back.

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Wednesday, November 28, 2001


Play-station-life

I talked to Jeremy today. One of the topics we talked about was video games. He asked me what I would buy if I was going to buy a game system. I told him that I would buy a Playstation 2. I would choose the Playstation 2 because the number of games it has. It is also backwards compatible with the old PS1 Games. I also like the games that are out for the Playstation 2. This is a topic that I have put some thought into.

He said that he is thinking about buy a video game system because there is a new kind of narrative that is going on with games right now. It is a narrative that he would like to know more about. He wants to know about the stories that are going on inside these games. Games are at a level now that the interface can really give someone the ability to explore that world.

I have stayed away from buying a video game console. It is an idea that pops in my head from time to time, but I have kept myself from buying one. The main reason that I have not bought one is because of time. I have enough ways to waste my time as it is. I never find the time to do a lot of things that I really want to do. If I bought a Playstation 2, it would be one more thing in my life that I could use to waste my time. That is something I should stay away from.

Tonight I went to a story and looked at the Playstation 2 again. I looked at the games, the memory cards, the accessories, and everything I could buy for it. I walked out of the store without buying anything. It almost seems too overwhelming. I have too many choices when I am standing there. There are too many games for me to choose from. I could pick the wrong game and hate it. I could make the wrong decision and waste my money. It is almost too big of a world. I do not know if I want to get involved with it.

The conversation about video games started with something my sister said. She was complaining that parents let their kids be hypnotized by video games. In the long run it hurt the kids ability to concentrate. Video games give so much feed back for every little thing you do. Most things that need concentration and focus give very little feedback. All the time I see kids that are playing Game Boys and not paying attention to their parents. All the kids want to focus on are the games. I wonder if it is any different then drugging the kids.

I play the game Civilization on my PC. Time just blows by me when I play this game. I loose any kind of touch with the outside world. I know that when I am done playing the game I cannot focus on anything. The game is still running in my head. I have to concentrate less just to get the game out of my head.

There is still a chance that I will buy a Playstation 2. I will have to see how I feel in the weeks ahead. I know that I should not buy it, but that has not stopped me in the past.

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Tuesday, November 27, 2001


About the Job

I found out last week that my job is secure. TiVo is not planning to cut my job in the upcoming months. They are actually going to adding people to my department. This makes me feel pretty good. I am not ready to leave TiVo yet. I do not think I will be ready leave right after the holidays either. I want to stick around for a while. I do not want to be unemployed in Silicon Valley until things start to rebound around here.

Having a certain future takes a huge monkey off my back. It gives me a chance to make better plans. If I leave TiVo, I would like it to be on my terms. I do not want to be asked to leave because I am being laid off. There is part of me that thinks that I want to be at TiVo until we either hit it big or close up shop. I do not want to be asked to leave before the big finish.

I have to try not to do anything too stupid with my money. I need to build up my funds so I do not find myself out in the cold if I do get laid off. There is still a chance that might happen to me. I cannot depend on nothing. My job still might go away. I feel that I will still have a job, but I spend money like I am going to be laid off.

I still feels good to not worry about my job. I should start thinking about other things now. I am not sure what those other things are. I know there are a lot of things that I am not paying enough attention to right now. It is bad to let too many things in my life go to seed.

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Monday, November 26, 2001


Thick with ideas

My head is thick with ideas. It is so thick with ideas I cannot think about anything. I need to find the way to slow down my mind. Right now there are too many things buzzing around my head. The ideas are sticking together in such a way that I cannot make any sense out of them. I need to be able to slow down my brain. There are so many things in my head, I am unable to do anything.

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Sunday, November 25, 2001


Playing Hermit

I played Hermit again today. I sat in my apartment and played computer games. I really did not want to take the time to do anything else. I did not even do a lot of the around the apartment things that I have been putting off. I just sat around and kept to myself.

I was thinking about something I heard on the radio. The news story was about primates. Being a hermit is a bad thing for higher order primates. Primates that do not groom, play with children, and socialize in the clan have shorter life spans. When food is tight or predators attack, the hermits are left out in the cold.

I wonder if my own hermit time will have a bad effect on my life span. There are times when I cannot find that connection between myself and other people. When I do not have that connection I feel really lonely. I wonder if there something wrong with me or if is something everyone feels. If that is the case I would rather be alone.

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