Welcome to Sad Salvation. Day by day by day by day ... this is my attempt to make sense of the world.

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Saturday, October 20, 2001

Spending my weekends

It is only 10:30 in the morning on a Saturday, but I still feel that I have already wasted much of my weekend. Last night I went to bed early. Every night since I got back to Chicago, I have fallen asleep before 10 PM. On some level I feel that I am going to bed early because there are too many things for me to do. Everything in front of me seems so immense. I have a tendency to just give up when things seem immense.

I feel that I have already wasted the weekend because I know that I am going to have a hard time focusing. I have been up for an hour so far and all I have done is watch television. That is a sign that my weekend might be doomed. I have wasted too many weekends since I have been in San Jose. I know what the hallmarks of a wasted weekend are.

Labels: self, time, weekend

- Rich, 10:25 AM |

Friday, October 19, 2001

Writing About Work

My fears about writing about work have been compounded. I read on the weblog of Mark Pilgrim that he was fired for comments that we wrote at his web log. The worst part is that it was not even comments he was making about his job. He was just writing about his life in general.

This makes me think about my weblog and my web site. I have been telling the people I work with about my web site. I have been trying to show off my Dreams about Bill Gates Site. I know that I have only told about a dozen people at work about the site, but that is going to spread. I am not saying that everyone at work is going to spend all their time reading my web page. I am just saying that someone might check in on it from time to time. I am not sure what they are going to say if they read some of the things I have written.

Part of my problem is that I have so many conflicting ideas about work. There is part of me that really wants to go and find a new city to live in. There is another part of me that want to stick it out at TiVo until the company either goes under or goes big time. I feel that I am working a job that is taking me nowhere, but I have a pride in the job I do. All of these conflicts make me think that I am going to stay at TiVo for a while. When I am faced by conflicts like this, inactivity usually wins out.

This adds to another part of my life I am going to hide from this web log. I already knew that there are a lot of little things that I will not put here. There are things about myself that I cannot tell my closest friends about. I know there are lots of little parts of my that I am not ready to put on the internet. I wonder if I will be able to give people a good idea of who I am without showing those parts of myself.

For the most part I am going to try to put this fear behind me. I am not going to worry too much about what I write here. I am probably kidding myself to think anyone is reading this web log at all. It would be nice to hear from anyone who is reading this.

Labels: Bill Gates, blog, blogging, job, TiVo, work

- Rich, 10:24 AM |

Thursday, October 18, 2001

Notes from my vacation

-Rented an Ford Escort. It is a car that I would never buy
-Drove over 300 miles on this vacation
-I was airsick just before I landed in Chicago
-Chicago is on the second tear of cities I would move to.
-Wondered how my life would be different if Jeremy and I lived in the same city.
-Slept on a pullout bed at Jeremy's Apartment. My neck was killing me by my last day there.
-Spent money like a mad man. This vacation might have cost me over a grand.
-Trimmed my goatee the day l left San Jose.
-I talked to Jeremy about everything in my head.
-We ate dinner at Harry Carey's Restaurant.
-The waiter insulted Jeremy's manhood. I gave him a bigger tip for that.
-Spent my time listening to the MiniDisc I made the night before I left.
-I had the Ben Folds song Carrying Cathy stuck in my head the whole week.
-Jeremy asked me if I pray.
-Cell Phones in Airport.
-I spent a total of 8 hours of my trip standing in lines in airports.
-I have to Blog all this when I get home.
-Jeremy made me laugh so hard I almost crashed the car.
-I am glad I did not buy an MP3 Jukebox.
-Won $25 at Video Poker in the Los Vegas Airport.
-I think I have to send out Christmas Cards this year.
-Got to see Jeff's New House.
-Jeff introduced me as the person who bought him the TiVo.
-I gave the TiVo sales pitch five or six times.
-One person said that TiVo might ruin society, I agreed with her.
-It was nice to see how Jeremy and Jeff live.
-I now have a mental idea of the world Jeremy lives in.
-I asked Jeremy for a list of instrumental CDs.
-Watched Enterprise with Jeremy.
-On my last night in Chicago Jeremy made me laugh so hard that I almost crashed my rental car.
-Jeremy and I talked about the worst albums we ever owned.
-My worst album is Pete Townshend's Ironman

Labels: Chicago, tag overload, travel, travel notes, vacation

- Rich, 12:57 PM |

Wednesday, October 17, 2001

Lots of things to write about

I feel that I will be writing about things from this trip for months to come. I did not so a lot of activities, but Jeremy and I talked a lot. Those conversations are things that give my mind something to think about. I know that subjects from these conversations will be coming up for weeks to come. Some of the conversations where just little seeds that will bloom later. I hope that no one reading this will be bothered by that.

Labels: Chicago, conversation, Jerery P Bushnell, vacation

- Rich, 7:56 PM |

Back From Vacation in Chicago

Today I am going back to work. My vacation is over and I have to go back to the grind.

Last night, right before I went to sleep, I realized I had a good vacation. As I was laying down in my bed I felt like I did not remember what it is like to wake up for work. It felt like sleeping in my bed was almost an unfamiliar experience. Intellectually I knew was just getting back to my life. It was my physical memory that felt different.

There is part of me that did not want to come back to San Jose. It would have been nice if I would have been able to stay on vacation forever. It would be nice if I did not have to work and I had all the money I needed. I know that I am a long way away from that ever happening. I knew that too much of my life is in San Jose. I do not have the kind of support system that would allow me just to leave here and never come back.

I will have to see how long it takes me to get back into the swing of things at work. I know I only took five days off. It feels much longer then that. I think that I really emotionally escaped my job while I was in Chicago. I did not think about any of the day to day parts of my job. It might be next week before I am back in the swing of things.

I might be getting back into work before I get there. Last night I had a dream about TiVo's Evangelist, Richard Bullwinkle. I do not remember anything about the dream. I just know that he was in the dream.

Labels: Chicago, Jerery P Bushnell, San Jose, travel, vacation, work

- Rich, 6:31 AM |

Tuesday, October 16, 2001

Getting Away from Me

Here is the MiniDisc Mix that I have been listening to all week. It might give people some incite to my trip.

Getting away from me

1. Wilco - Via Chicago
2. Dinosaur Jr. - Out There
3. Counting Crows - High Life
4. The Beta Band - Dry the Rain: Champion Version
5. Calvin Johnson - Love'll Come Back Again
6. Crowded House - Four Seasons In One Day
7. Sundays - Can't Be Sure
8. U2 - One
9. Talvin Singh - Traveler
10. Pete Townshend - Eminence Front
11. Calvin Johnson - Lies, Goodbye
12. Ben Folds - Carrying Cathy
13. Harvey Danger - Why I'm Lonely
14. Son Volt - Tear Stained Eyes

Labels: MiniDisc, mix, mixcd, music, tag overload, travel, travel mix, vacation

- Rich, 11:08 AM |

Monday, October 15, 2001

Meeting Jeremy's Girlfriend

I finally got to meet Kat tonight. I "met" here for a few minutes on Friday, but it was only for a few minutes. Last night Jeremy, Kat, and I had dinner together. I have know about Kat for a long time, but I have never met her before. She has been dating Jeremy for more then two years now.

Kat had been described to me as a Communist. She is a part-time union organizer. She described herself as left-of-liberal. I am on the other hand of the political spectrum. I am not a total right wing nut, but I am a card carrying republican. I voted for George Bush, Bob Dole and George W. Bush. I can say that we have different points of view on the world.

Kat looked just as I expected her to look. She has long dark hair, glasses and a sly smile. Jeremy had described her to me and she looked that way. I was surprised that she was so close to my mental image. People are never that close to your mental image of them.

The odd part was that she did not act anything like the way I expected her to act. I was expecting her to be more mysterious. My mental image was someone that was a few mental steps in front of everyone else in the room. I expected someone that was cynical and hard to the world. I guess I expecting a old goth girl that how grown up.

Kat is a much more cheery person then I expected. She seemed to be the kind of person who almost bubbling over most of the time. It is hard for me to describe her without it sounding like I am making fun of her. I am not trying to make fun of her. She seemed like the kind of woman still likes stuffed animals.

I think I understand what Jeremy sees in her. She does not seem like an easy woman to understand. Jeremy said that he has had two types of girl friends in his life, the Smiths fan and the stuffed animal fan. He thinks that Kat is in both groups. I can see why Jeremy likes this.

Labels: Jerery P Bushnell, kat, relationship, vacation

- Rich, 10:46 PM |

Sunday, October 14, 2001

Chicago Style Pizza

Tonight Jeremy and I went out for Chicago Style Pizza. Going out for Pizza with Jeremy is one thing that we have been doing for a long time. In the past we would go to Giuseppe's and figure out our lives. Our lives are not that simple anymore. We cannot figure them out over a pizza.

Our waitress was a woman from Brazil. We flirted with her a little. We also flirted with the waitress when we want to dinner my first night in town. There so something that makes it easy to flirt with a waitress when you are with another guy. If you are alone, it is hard to flirt with a waitress because you are a little too scary. It you do it when you are with a woman, you are sleaze.

I cannot try to figure out all the different topics we talked about. Going out for pizza is nothing really worth writing about, but it is just the reason I am having a good vacation. It is nice just to get the chance to hang out. It is nice to be here and it is nice to be with Jeremy. I miss the kind of time that we have together this week.

Labels: Chicago, flirting, Jerery P Bushnell, pizza, vacation

- Rich, 11:27 PM |

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